I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize