i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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