where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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