so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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