just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
