is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
