I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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