i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
