I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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