You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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