So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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