The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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