Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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