I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
