in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
NoShamevember. You game?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
