I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Don't make out with my wife yet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
