I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
pray to the hookup gods
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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