My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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