I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
