sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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