becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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