I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
