If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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