You're my little dorito
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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