Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
