; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
