The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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