I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
