Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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