i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
