OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
