Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
