Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
