Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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