the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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