Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
