i was rollin on her like bob the builder
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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