I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
