Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
