SEEEEXXX PLEASE
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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