The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
