take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
only you would photoshop your dick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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