Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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