8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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