I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
