Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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