I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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