Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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