wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
