I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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