Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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