ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
