At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
