I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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