Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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