The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My liver just had a heart attack.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
