did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
