hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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