listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
