I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You are the jesus of drinking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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