i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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