I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
