I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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