Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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